PhonOcord Playhouse
Characterizations
 This type of PhonOcord recording appeals particularly to the "life of the party" guest, who really lets himself go. But it's also fun for the person who is secretly convinced that if things had been different, he or she would have been a great actor-and who isn't? The following well-known character types will serve to get things started. After that, it's every man for himself and you'11 be surprised by some of the results.
Newspaper Vendor: Get your wuxtry here-read all about it! The most sensational news since pickled herring! It's already fallen on New York-an' it's headed this way. Wuxtry! Wuxtry! Scientists claim nothin' can be done to stop it! It's already fallen on New York. Here y'are, lady-that's it, lady, right there on page one-What's fallen, lady? - Night, lady, night always falls, see! Now, lady, I never said nothin' about no bombs-Wuxtry! Wuxtry! Read all about it! It's already fallen on New York.
Saleswoman: Certainly, modom-right this way, modom-did modom have anything special in mind? Something in a stripe, you say? (Aside) Boy, it never fails. Let 'em weigh over 200 and they start screamin' for stripes-as though that helped. You're so right, modom, stripes have a very slimming effect-not that modom needs it! (Aside) Not much! . . . A black and white stripe would be very becoming to modom . . . Oh, modom prefers a color . . . Red? . . .Oh, a peppermint effect! He does like peppermints? Yeah, but lady, what he's getting ain't no hunk of candy.
 Peddler: Right this way, ladies and gentlemen-smell it, try it-buy it! LaGarbeegia-perfume from France, the country of l'amour. Make yourselves irres-is-tible to the gent of your choice, ladies . . . One whiff of LaGarbeegia, and he's yours . . . Just a few drops, ladies, for a come-on-but if you're in a hurry, use the whole bottle and make him your slave forever . . . It never fails . . . I oughtta know . . . I once had a date with a French girl, ladies, oo la, la la! I was just gonna take her to dinner . . . but she wore LaGarbeegia. . . Ladies we been married for ten years-and I'm still nuts about her! . . . Yes, ladies---one bottle for the price of two . . . LaGarbeegia-the secret of the French!
Clubwoman: Ladies-the meeting will please come to order . . . Silly phrase isn't it-as though we'd been out of order! Hmm . . . Let's see . . . the subject under discussion today is . . . Mrs. Jones, I wonder if you'd remove your hat . . . Mrs. Smith seems to have trouble in seeing me . . . not that I'm anything to see, hee hee. . . still . . . Now where were we. . . Thank you, Mrs. Jones . . . Oh, Yes, the subject under discussion today is . . . Why Are Men . . . Just a moment, there seems to be something missing . . . No, that's the question, all right. . Why Are Men? Hmm . . . Well, I can't see that there's much to discuss . . . I can think of at least one good reason why men are . . . What did you say, Madam President . . . I Beg Your Pardon! . . . Well, if you're going to ask questions like that, what sort of answer did you expect?
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