| ||||||||||||||
| Cast: | |
| John Wilson | Phil Harris |
| Katherine Hepburn | W. C. Fields |
| Charlie McCarthy | Baby Snooks |
| Jack Benny | Mary Livingston |
| Bill | |
| Sound Effects Tips | |
ANNOUNCER: Presenting . . . HOLLYWOOD PREMIERE!
SOUND: Dub in Radio Music
SOUND: Mumble of voices . . . applause . . . car horns.
FADE FOR ANNOUNCER: (Fast, and with gusto)
ANNOUNCER: This is your announcer John Wilson, ladies and gentlemen: Here we are in the lobby of beautiful McCarthy Circle -- Mecca of the stars! It's a perfect, moonlight night, and throngs of excited Fans have lined the sidewalks: They're waiting for a glimpse of their favorite movie star as they arrive for the Preview of MGM's super-colossal extravaganza - the MAGNIFICENT masterpiece, "Love on a Lark." Fascinating Katherine Hepburn is the star . . .
SOUND: Police whistle and siren . . . soft . . . louder . . . LOUDER!
SOUND: Car brakes squeal. (Car stops.) Car door slams.
ANNOUNCER: And here's the star of the picture! Lovely Katherine Hepburn. Will you give us a moment Miss Hepburn? - Thank you.
KATHERINE HEPBURN: HALLO, ma friends! It's thrilling to be heah this lovely, lovely evening . . . RILLY it is! I hope you simply adore my new picture, TRULY, I do.
ANNOUNCER: Those words were spoken by the very vivacious Katherine Hepburn, star of the evening. For the ladies listening in I might say; Miss Hepburn is STUNNING tonight in white chiffon and ermine.
SOUND: WILD APPLAUSE FROM AUDIENCE . . . CRASH! JACK BENNY: ROCHESTER: If I told you ONCE, I told you FIVE times to bring my violin tonight. Here's a crowd that will go for Rose in Bloom.
ANNOUNCER: GREETINGS, Mary and Jack!
JACK BENNY: HELLO again, folks!
MARY LIVINGSTON: Ha . . . Ha!
SOUND: Mumble of voices.
ANNOUNCER: There's a little commotion, over there in the crowd, ladies and gentlemen . . . WELL . . . Look who's coming!
HARRIS: Hi Ya Kids . . . This Premiere 'can roll along now, here's the Wonder Boy who pulls all the laughs, - yes sir- gag 'em up and get going chillun, here's Phil Harris. Yas!
SOUND: Much applause and laughter from audience.
ANNOUNCER: Glad to see you Phil . . . Welcome to the Hollywood Premiere.
HARRIS: Have you seen Jack Benny? That guy owes me five bucks on last week's salary and now he wants me to sell Hot Dogs here with the "Peekle in de meedle and de mustard on top."
VOICES FADE FOR ANNOUNCER:
ANNOUNCER: AND NOW . . . wait a-minute, WAIT a minute . . . Here comes Charlie McCarthy and Baby Snooks and they're fighting.
SOUND: TEARING CLOTH . . . THUD . . . THUD:
CHARLIE McCARTHY: I'll mow ya down, Snooks, I'll mow ya down, s'hep me!
SNOOKS: I didn't do nuffin. I didn't do nuffin.
ANNOUNCER: Snooks, I believe you're a mischief maker. Go talk to W. C. Fields over there until after the Broadcast . . .
VOICE FADES FOR W. C. FIELDS:
W.C. FIELDS: Hello, Snooks my little one. Let's see . . . let's see . . . what have I in my pocket for a little girl to play with . . . (PAUSE) . . . a razor blade, nice and sharp too . . . scissors, nails . . . and ah, yes . . . a check for a short beer.
SOUND: Patter Patter of rain.
ANNOUNCER: You've just listened to another gigantic super-MGM premiere. There is a-er--a slight mist coming down at the moment . . .
SOUND: Rain and thunder.
ANNOUNCER: Ahem . . . As I was saying . . . (LOWERS VOICE) Now, Bill? NOW?
BILL: Ya, Wilson, NOW!
ANNOUNCER: Through the courtesy of the Chamber of Commerce I wish to make an authorized statement. It is RAINING!
SOUND: DOWNPOUR! . . . THUNDER! . . . LIGHTNING!
END